Note: This is a guide to the steps of pulling, if you want to learn about how to get women to want you to pull them, see this video: https://youtu.be/6GxYBjI53BI
And this video: https://youtu.be/nK2tYyla5Is How To Pull Girls Home
Sometimes, pulling is as simple as saying, "Let's get out of here." If a girl already knows she wants to have sex with you, you don't need any special tactics to bring her home.
However, women rarely decide they want to have sex with a man before they're in a bed with him.
One girl told me, "We're not having sex tonight," three times before she went back to my place. Then, on my couch, she sighed and said, "Are you going to fuck me already?"
For men, sexual interest is binary. If we find a woman attractive, we'd probably agree to have sex with her. For girls, sex is more complicated.
In terms of being interested in sleeping with you, women will sometimes categorize you as a "yes" or "no," but most often, you'll be classified as a "maybe." Even if a girl is so attracted to you that she's turned on in your presence, she still may decide against having sex with you.
As a woman, sex comes with a lot of risks—physically and socially. A woman needs to know she can trust a man before she goes home with him.
The average man is more than twice as strong as the average woman. There's a real risk of being harmed.
Furthermore, many women encounter men who are too pushy and aggressive. Even if a girl likes you, she may be subconsciously concerned that you're going to be one of those overly aggressive guys.
Then, there's the risk of being slut-shamed. Although some women encourage their friends to hook up with random guys, other women mercilessly judge their friends when they do something 'slutty.'
Even if a girl thinks you're extremely attractive, she would probably reject you if you were to try to pull her five minutes after meeting her. She needs to go through a process to be ready to go home with you and have sex.
Generally, women need to see that you are assertive, but not pushy. You must take the lead, but at a pace she can relate to. There are no universal rules to this; every girl is different.
As an experiment, I once approached 20 women with the line, "Hey, you're cute, would you like to come back to my place?" Nineteen of them said no, but one girl said yes.
Of course, that's not the best strategy. But don't limit yourself by thinking thoughts like, "I think she's into me, but I can't pull a girl on the first date." Or, "It's the beginning of the night; there's no way she's going to leave with me now."
As a rule-of-thumb, pulling a girl usually takes 45 minutes to 1 hour and 30 minutes, but there are plenty of exceptions.
The Process of Pulling
Pulling has momentum to it. You're leading the girl—both physically and emotionally—towards having sex with you.
This starts small with intense eye contact or a spark of sexual energy; then, you gradually escalate as the tension increases.
If you rush this, the girl will feel that you're pushing her towards something you want, without regard to what she wants. The pacing is what matters most; you're not fixated on the 'finish line.' Instead, you are slowly escalating.
Think of an entire interaction with a woman like foreplay. If you were to fuck a girl the second she got on your bed without any foreplay, it would be a dull experience for her—there was no time for her to arousal to grow.
Similarly, if you try to pull a girl as quickly as possible, there's no time for her to build a desire to go home with you.
She wants to know who you are, she wants to know she can trust you, and she wants to experience a growing excitement for hooking up with you.
In the following sections, I lay out a comprehensive guide to pulling based on how women want to be pulled. It's a process that takes place over an extended period and gradually builds in intensity.
Deciding To Pull
Whenever you're talking to a girl you're attracted to, it's crucial to determine the ideal outcome for the interaction.
For instance, if a girl has an interview in 30 minutes, you probably don't have time to pull her. In this case, your ideal outcome for the interaction would be to set up a date with her.
You must find out if pulling a girl home is a realistic possibility. Otherwise, you could easily spend over an hour with a woman only to get a pat on the back and a hearty, "It was nice meeting you!"
In the men's dating advice community, this is referred to as screening for logistics. You're determining how likely it is that you will be able to pull a particular girl later that night.
Whenever you have an interaction with a woman that lasts more than 30 seconds, you should ask a few logistical questions.
For example, you might ask:
- What are you doing later?
- Who are you here with?
- How did you get here (Driving/Ubeetc.)?
- What area of town do you live in?
- What are you doing tomorrow?
Asking the above questions will give you useful information. If, for instance, you learn that a girl drove her five friends to the club, she lives an hour away, and she's flying across the country tomorrow morning, chances are, you're not going to pull her.
Conversely, if a girl lives across the street, she came to the club alone, and she's not doing anything later, the likelihood that she'll go home with you is much higher.
Of course, asking too many logistical questions can quickly become obnoxious. To avoid coming across as inquisitional, sprinkle these questions throughout the interaction rather than asking them back-to-back.
Below, you'll find a general guideline for the best and worst answers to logistical questions:
- What are you doing later?
Good logistics: Nothing, what are you doing later? Bad logistics: I'm going back to my parent's house.
Good logistics: I'm here with my roommate, Sarah. Bad logistics: I'm here with my dad.
Good logistics: I drove here. Bad logistics: My friend Dave drove me.
- What area of town do you live in?
Good logistics: 5 minutes away from here. Bad logistics: About an hour away.
- What are you doing tomorrow?
Good logistics: Not sure yet. Bad logistics: I have to wake up at 4 a.m. to go to work.
To be clear, if a girl really wants to hook up with you, you may be able to find a way to overcome a bad logistical situation.
Once in Vegas, my wingman and I pulled two girls from the club. My girl was excited to hang out more and get a drink back at our hotel.
However, the other girl wasn't so enthusiastic: during the car ride, she repeatedly complained that she just wanted to go home and sleep.
But it didn't matter because the girl I was with was determined to spend more time with me.
My girl told her friend that she could sleep in the car while we had shots in the hotel room. And that's exactly what happened.
Ultimately, it's useful to know a girl's logistics, but you can often make something happen regardless of the situation.
Memorizing all these logistical questions can seem overwhelming. Fortunately, there's a simple way you can get an idea of whether a girl might be interested in going home with you later that night. Say either,
"What are you doing later?" Or, "There's an after-party later tonight; you should come."
More often than not, women will respond to this question based on how they feel about you. If they want to keep hanging out with you, they will make themselves available:
- "I'm not doing much, how about you?"
- Or, "I'd be down to go to a party later."
Conversely, if a girl knows she isn't going home with you later, she might say something like,
- "I'm going back home with my roommates to sleep."
- Or, "I can't go to a party tonight; I have other plans."
To be clear, a girl might make herself unavailable when you ask this question only to change her mind later.
But generally, her response to, "What are you doing later?" will give you a good idea as to whether she would like to go home with you.
When She Makes Herself Unavailable
What should you do when a girl says she's busy later or can't go to an after-party?
If you don't have much experience approaching women, your best option in this situation is to exchange numbers with the girl and start meeting other women.
Maybe she likes you; maybe she doesn't, but you know she's probably not going home with you that night. Remember, your most valuable resource when you go out is time.
Besides, you have her number, so if she is interested in you, she will likely agree to go on a date with you.
As you gain experience meeting women, you will develop an intuitive ability to sense whether you'll be able to pull a girl later.
And in many cases, even if a girl initially seems uninterested in going home with you, you'll be able to change her mind. But when you're new to cold approach, taking this kind of risk isn't likely to pay off.
I strongly recommend you ask this question to every girl you approach. It's the first step to pulling a girl.
When a girl says she's busy later, ask for her number. When a girl makes herself available, move on to the next step.
When She Has Good Logistics
If you get the sense that you might be able to pull a girl (I.E.she says she's not busy later), you should find out if she will leave her friends to hang out with you in a different area.
Make a suggestion like:
- "Hey, let's go to the outside area where we can actually hear each other."
- "Let's go to the dance floor for a minute."
- During the day, you might say, "There's a Starbucks right down the street; let's get a quick coffee."
When She Won't Go With You
If a girl is unwilling to move to a different area with you, it's unlikely she'll go home with you later.
You will have to decide whether you think the girl won't move to another area because she isn't interested in you or because she has a tight-knit group of friends that she doesn't want to leave.
If you think she is attracted to you, you may still be able to go home with her at the end of the night. Instead of pulling her, you can let her pull you (see the section, "Go With Her.")
Conversely, if you think she might not be interested in you, it's best to exchange numbers with her before leaving her to approach other women.
When a girl refuses to leave her friends, you'll have to weigh your options. It isn't likely you'll be able to make something happen with this girl on that same night, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.
Again, as a rule-of-thumb, it's better to play it safe (get the number and move on to another girl) when you're new to approaching women, and it's better to take risks when you're more experienced.
Trying to push an interaction when the girl is giving signs she isn't interested is like doubling down on a bad hand of poker - it's better just to play another hand.
So, if you're new to cold approach, you will get the best results by: Setting up as many dates as possible (on a date, the logistics are very much in your favor).
By finding girls who have a good logistical situation in clubs.
Basically, find the "yes" girls who are actively interested in going home with you that night and exchange numbers with the "maybe" girls who are less enthusiastic and less available.
As you accumulate experience, you will develop a fine-tuned sense of how interested a particular girl is.
You'll know whether you can overcome a bad logistical situation or if it's best to move on to someone else.
If She Agrees To Go With You
If a girl says yes to your request to go to another area, this is a strong sign that you may be able to pull her. Women will rarely say they want to go home with you: instead, they show interest through their actions.
A girl's willingness to follow you from one area to another is a significant green light that she might be open to going home with you later.
Taking Her Home
At this point, the girl is following your lead from one area to another.
After you've been talking for roughly 45 minutes to an hour and a half, the next step of leading is to bring her home with you.
Fortunately, pulling isn't rocket science.
So long as the emotions are right, many women will want to go home with you. Often, all you have to do is ask. More than a few times, I've pulled girls simply by saying something to the effect of, "Want to get out of here?"
That said, there are ways to pull a girl more smoothly.
If you mentioned the idea of going to an after-party earlier in the interaction, you can pull by saying, "Hey, let's go to that after-party I mentioned."
Now, inviting a girl to an 'after-party' when it's really just you and her might sound creepy. Here's the truth, if you use lines like the above when there's no mutual sexual attraction, then yeah, it will be a little awkward.
I once brought two girls back to my place to go to an "after-party," but when we arrived, they realized there was no real after-party, and they said they had to get an Uber.
But this has only happened once in my entire life, and it was my own fault—I was focusing on the pull without considering whether there was enough sexual desire and trust.
Ultimately, if a girl is interested in you and she agrees to go home with you, it's unlikely she'll be surprised if it turns out the after-party is just you and her.
If you're unsure whether a girl is attracted to you, you can make a point to physically escalate before bringing her home.
When you've been making out with a girl or grinding with her on the dance floor, you can be fairly confident she's interested. Afterward, you can pull her without worrying about whether she's attracted to you or not.
You don't need a great reason to bring a girl to your place, you just need an excuse that isn't "let's fuck," or, "Would you like to have sex?" (saying that puts way too much pressure on the girl).
If a woman is interested in hooking up with you, she will agree to go to your place for whatever silly reason you come up with.
A friend of mine once pulled by saying, "I have an amazing book collection at my place; you have to see it."
Here are a few more examples of simple excuses you can use to bring a girl home with you:
- "It's way too loud here, let's go somewhere quiet where we can have a real conversation."
- "Let's get a drink back at my place."
- "I'm hungry; we should get some food." (If she agrees, you can suggest cooking something back at your place—if nothing else, you can make a frozen pizza.)
Or you can pull by inviting a girl to watch a show or movie with you:
- You: "Have you seen the show, Californication?"
- Her: "No."
- You: "You'll love it; we should watch an episode later."
- Then, later in the conversation, you can bring the show back up again when you're ready to pull, "Hey, let's go watch that episode of Californication."
What if you don't have a place to pull girls to?
Let's say you still live with your parents, and you can't bring girls back to your place. Is it still possible to pull? Yes, of course, the only difference is that you must pull to the girl's house.
Here's how: when you bring up an excuse to hang out in private with a girl (watching a T.V. show, getting a. drink, etc.), and she agrees, follow up by saying something to the effect of, "Okay, how far is your place from here?"
Whether she replies with, "I'm 5 minutes away." Or, "I'm 20 minutes away," you can say, Okay, cool, that's much closer than my place; let's go."
Sometimes, a girl will not be able to bring you back to her place (I.E., she lives with her parents); in this case, you can either get a hotel or move on to the next girl. However, many of the women you meet will have a place you can go back to.
I've pulled girls back to their place many times, and despite what many guys think, it doesn't need to be much more complicated or difficult than pulling to your place.
Go With Her
Even if a girl is unwilling to leave her group of friends and move to another area with you, you still may be able to go home with her.
To do this, you should find out what the girl is doing after the bar closes. If she says something that makes her seem uninterested (I.E., she's going to her brother's place to get some sleep), it's unlikely you'll be able to leave with her at the end of the night.
Conversely, if she makes herself available, you may be able to make something happen (I.E., "My friends and I are just going to hang out." Or, "I'm not sure yet, just going home.")
Before deciding to go back to a girl's place, ask yourself, "What would happen if she and I were alone in a room together?"
If the answer is, "We'd tear each other's clothes off," then going with her has a good chance of leading to sex.
If you're not sure, the safer option is to mention that there's an after-party later and invite her (before moving on to meet other people).
You don't want to spend your entire night with a girl who is only interested in you as a friend.
However, if you think she is attracted to you, but she doesn't want her friends to see her leaving with some random guy, you may be able to go home with her at the end of the night.
Once you've decided that you're going to stick with a girl and go with her at the end of the night, just stay with her while making a point of winning over her friends.
If the friend-group doesn't like you, it will be exceedingly difficult to go back with them at the end of the night. I've seen so many men ignore a girl's friends until they got upset and dragged the girl away from him.
Offer value to the friend group the same way you offer value to the girl you're interested in (just without the sexual elements).
Once the bar or club closes (or the girl says she's about to head home), you can go with her. To do this, ask, "What area of town are you headed to?"
Reply to whatever her answer is with, "Oh, I'm near there; we should split an Uber." If she's unenthusiastic about the idea, she's probably not interested in going with you, but if she says something along the lines of, "Yeah, that sounds good." Then you can leave with her at the end of the night.
When you're in the Uber with the girl, you need to create an excuse to enter her house. The easiest way to do this is to simply ask if you can use her restroom while you wait for another Uber to your place.
When you're in the girl's house, one thing should lead to another. You'll both forget that you were "waiting for your Uber".
Now, if you're thinking, "This sounds creepy," it is creepy if she's not into you. However, if she wants to have sex with you, you're simply creating a logical excuse to do what you both want to do.
You can't tell a girl, "Oh, you have to go home with your friends? Can I come along so we can fuck when you get home?" That wouldn't be relatable.
If you want to go home with a girl, it helps to create a situation where it makes sense for you to end up in her house.
Again, you should only do this if you believe that it's on between the two of you.
However, even if it turns out she isn't interested in hooking up with you, it's not the end of the world. Just politely excuse yourself--so long as you don't get bitter or aggressive, she's unlikely to be upset.
With that said, you can often go home with a girl by being direct. When you ask, "What area of town are you headed to?" you can reply to her answer by saying, "I'm going with you."
So long as you come across as confident and your interaction up to that point was strong, she will likely agree to your proposition.
It can be useful to create a logical excuse to go home with a girl because she will be less likely to feel judged for acting 'slutty.' But you can be upfront with your intentions successfully so long as you've built enough trust and sexual tension in the interaction.
When She Refuses To Go Home With You
If a girl declines your invitation to go home with you, it might mean she's just not interested.
However, sometimes a girl will refuse to go home with you even when she likes you. Maybe the girl has a boyfriend she didn't mention.
Maybe she just doesn't do one-night stands. Sometimes, a girl won't go home with you because she doesn't want to get judged by her friends.
Once again, if a girl won't go home with you, your best option is to make plans to go on a date with her later before going to meet other people. Say something like, "It's been cool talking to you; we should get coffee sometime."
When a girl rejects your invitation to go home with you, it's often not that she's rejecting you, she just can't go home with you at that particular moment. That's why you should make plans to hang out with the girl later.
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